Ze Relationship Zeries #1: What Mowneek Thinks Will Hit You

Oct 24, 2011 by

Men, women, relationships. A dime a dozen books have been written about them. Experts, scientists and the religious have studied them. Theories and formulae have been used to simplify them. The irony lies in the reality. Men, women, relationships remain incomprehensible and inexplicable to the many who fall in love, to those who feel the pain or guilt of break-ups and betrayals, and for the majority who cope with differences, enjoy similarities and endure the inevitable processes of “moving-on”, “letting go” or “to love again”. Reality check: love ain’t easy. Bottomline is, it is a necessity for any social animal. To simplify love in the light of men or women, and worse, in relationships, is an aberration. Saying that love is “unconditional”, love is “sacrifice”, love is “the answer”…greatly insults the paradigm of love. Fortunately, men, women and relationships make everything else about love even more complicated. To make it even more exciting, there is no getting around it, no shortcuts, no way of making it parsimonious. Men and women. Aaaaah…L’amour. There are so many studies proving gender differences, commonalities, strengths and weaknesses. The men versus women endless debate…But throw in love…oh with love…it’s an entirely different ballgame. Reality check: with men and love, it’s technically straightforward, elemental and unadulterated. Men are visual. They need to see to feel, hence, allegations of insensitivity. Rooted in the primitive man’s survival instinct, vision is essential for the hunt. If an action film requires massive explosions or blood spraying on the wall after delivering an uppercut, that is because those movies target men and their primary facility. In men and love, there has to be power in the mix. All that talk about ego, authority and conquering have credible bearing. In relationships, men need to feel they have the reigns. It is a mortal sin to rob them of their balls. At least, have them believe they still have their balls. They want to be Batman, not Robin; they need to know that they are your knight in shining armour, not the squire that tags along. In relationships, men are not complicated. It becomes complicated when love blurs the edges. That is why, when understanding how to deal with men in romantic relationships, don’t overcomplicate, “emotionalize” or “hyperanalyze”. If they say no, it means no. If they say it’s nothing, it means nothing. They prefer not to speak in codex or express in puzzles. Spare yourself the box of tissues when he breaks up with you because he says he’s not in love with you anymore. There is no “maybe we can work it out” or “we can still fix this” or worse, you’d think “he is still in love with me, he just doesn’t realize it”. With men and relationships, they don’t overthink it. Love for men isn’t confounded, it only appears to be such because women think it is. It’s like food, they want their steak right off the grill, no need for garnish, no need trimmings, no molecular gastronomy required –just a good, savory, juicy steak. Reality check: women and love, it’s a long and winding road. It is not a rough road, but a considerable zenith to conquer (as stated fact: men love to conquer). With women and love, it is like Filipinos and Christmas –it starts early, turns into a process or ritual, then it reaches a peak. Women are emotional beings (they don’t call it “chick flicks” for nothing). Women and love just like Filipino Christmas, it’s all about the colors and lights, the gifts and gift-giving, the food and the presentation, the Christmas carols piped-in music. Women need to feel to see. When men say women speak in riddles, they are half-right, it’s just men don’t like to figure out riddles. Women in romantic relationships are about layers. Love is not simply an emotion, it has to be enacted, it needs to elaborated, it requires…layers –hence, the parallelism with Christmas, women do not only think the gift through, they also take time to figure out which wrapper to buy. Alas, here is the paradox, women love to be the damsels in distress…Superman’s Lois Lane or Batman’s Vicki Vale…but, women would want men to believe that. Again, with love, women feel through the layers. Women are indeed damsels to be conquered, but that is what control is all about. Women maintain a subtle sense of control in relationships. If men have a sense of power, women have a sense of control as their ace in the hand. It’s rooted in women’s natural instinct to nurture. Not many may appreciate the gist of nurturing; it’s all about control. In subtlety. If you’re a mother, you know what I’m talking about; if you’re not, then ask your mother, she’ll tell you why even the simple act of cradling is monumental in the achieving control. When women ask, “do you love me?”, it is not answerable by yes or no – that is sheer profanity for women-speak. Enactment, elaboration and layers are tools for comprehending women and love. Women are sensing analysts. When men provide simple replies such as “yes”, for women it’s like algebra. Yes because…? They try to decode it as if it’s a puzzle. Don’t worry, it is a woman’s tool for subtle control. Again, like food, women and love, it’s not simply the hearty, juicy steak: It’s the fire, the salt, the pepper, the garnish. The Layers. Funny thing with this entire business about men, women, relationships, this article doesn’t help. It does not aim to help. It aims to get a wift of reality. Such that men, taken outside the context of love and women –simple. Women, taken outside the context of love and men –uncomplicated. However, as scientists posit, the homosapien brain is inevitably made for pair bonding as per dictates of evolution (see Helen Fisher, 1992). Men, women, relationships – all these requires to be in a mesh. A necessary entanglement. So, if you are a single guy looking for love, this is a heads up. If you are a single girl about to fall in love, this may be your Cliffsnotes. If you are currently in a relationship, good for you, this tells you there is still hope or redemption, either way you angle it. Bonne chance!

Stages of a Bad Relationship by Niko Anesti: who's guilty?

This week, myiloilo.net dedicates its pages to stories about relationships. Something we are all so full of. So why don’t you start typing down a few words, recall those heartbreaks, remember those unforgettable romances, and recount every odd thing this abstract world of relationships have brought you? We accept articles with pseudonyms for bylines. Your story should not exceed 300 words. Oh yeah. Email address for your precious stories would be rl.rodriguezph@gmail.com

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