MMFF Review Snippets by Kevin Piamonte

Dec 29, 2011 by

Shake, Rattle and Roll 13

1st Episode:  Tamawo

The film starts off with the indefatigable Ronnie Lazaro.  Then the beautiful Maricar Reyes appears.  No, she’s not the tamawo.  Halfway through the episode I cringe.  Why would Zanjoe Marudo keep what turned out to be the egg of the tamawo.  Far out!  Tamawos laying eggs?

Kids, what’s a bird that cannot fly?

The ostrich!

Wrong.  It’s the tamawo.  Duh!


2nd Episode: Parola

Why would you venture into an abandoned lighthouse in the dead of night?  I have only one answer.  Kasi sabi ni direk eh.  Why would you go all the way to the top when it’s dangerous?  Kasi sabi ni direk eh.  Brainless director gets brainless actors.   I get lost through this episode.    My mind starts to wander and scream for sanity.   But there’s one more episode.  Patiently I wait even if I already begin to stiffen.  The last episode is always better if not necessarily the best.


3rd Episode

The stupendous Eugene Domingo is pregnant on screen.  She is the star.  She is about to have a miscarriage.  Her acting is As is Where is.  Then the title appears.  Rain, Rain Go Away.  I rushed out of the theater avoiding fits of epilepsy.

Mother Lily should rehire Peque Gallaga.


Enteng ng Ina Mo

Kabisote meets Montecillo.  Predictably the box office will explode.  Never mind the film.  Never mind that Eugene Domingo steals every scene she is in.  Who cares?  Start counting the money.  Money talks.  This film walks and runs away with the bag and straight to the bank.  Out there Vic and Ai Ai must be celebrating.  30+ million in the box office on the first day.  Brocka and Bernal are long dead.


Panday 2

I can imagine the pre-production meeting for this film:

Maganda ang production design ng Mordor sa Lord of the Rings.  Gayahin natin.

Oo.  Exciting din ang fight scene sa Clash of the Titans.  Gawa din tayo ng giant scorpion.

Gusto ko ang paglipad ng mga dragons sa How to Train Your Dragon. Kaya ba natin iyon?

Daddy, daddy gusto ko iyong itsura ng witch sa Snow White.  Payag kaya si Tita Lorna T?


Panday 2 made tremendous effort to create their special effects.  I can imagine sweat flooding the work room.  Applause.  Applause to this, but please next time think Pinoy.  It’s a film festival that blocks off foreign films.  Why do we still see Hollywood?

And what’s with the matte make-up?  The folks in Panday live in a deserted place and scorched by the sun.  From the time the film grinds until it ends the performers all look they get to have a hot shower before every take.  Time to build a spa on the set.


1 Comment

  1. Jrmacahilas

    Ansaveh!!!! Daw na discourage na ku mglantaw sang mga films nga na…hahahaha

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