How to Deal with Evil Workmates

Sep 20, 2011 by

No matter where you work, you will always have a nasty officemate who is bound to destroy your day at least once a month. They are designed by God to assure you that evil lurks even at places where you’re supposed to behave indifferently and go about your day-to-day routine like a programmed robot. In my case as a professor, I am surrounded by extremely diverse individuals with major esteem issues. Add to that the flexibility and self-expression-tolerance that environment allows us to practice (with limits, of course), my workplace relationships are comparable to being in a reality show called Big Brother. There’s just too much nosiness going on each time. So. Here’s how to deal with evil workmates.

1. Ignore. I know this is easier said than done, but this is the best counter-combat especially to people who thrive on envy. Coming on as indifferent will kill them because after all their evil efforts, they actually don’t matter to you. Your attention is what they wish to capture. Don’t give it away.

2. Continue doing what you’re doing. Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, keep it up. At times, your evil workmates will scheme some ways to hinder you from the stuff that you love doing most, but go on top of it and conquer bigtime. But don’t do it to spite your evil workmate. Just do it for sheer enjoyment. Nothing can be so torturous to your evil workmate than seeing you so happy and smiling all the time!

3. Be sincere with your existing friends at the workplace. Make sure that you and your friends are loyal to one another. Do not talk about your evil workmate unless you are outside your office and make sure when you talk about the evil workmate, it’s for plain fun; do not put it gravely and get a heavy heart. Laugh the evilness out like a madman.

4. Always, always, always look fabulous. Looking exactly like a winner will cause your evil workmate to rot from inside and will soon grow maggots from the eardrums.

5. Whenever the evil workmate makes snide comments meant to throw sarcasm at you: AGREE. Say it in the most positive manner as if he or she is so utterly correct.

6. When the evil workmate attempts to communicate with you face to face, pretend as if you did not her him/her the first time. Make it a point that he/she always repeats the remark.

7. When you happen to get a phone call and someone is looking for the evil workmate, drop the handset and go somewhere else. 8. When the evil workmate talks to a group and you’re in the same circle, say in an informal discussion, break the evil workmate’s conversation line by inviting some of your officemates to soda (this one’s quite mean, but do this at least once a year for self-preservation purposes) Life is so much better even if we breathe the same oxygen with some people who scheme things to put us down as long as we make sure we know what we’re doing and no one can stop us from doing what we’re doing. Do not make the evil workmates your problem. Let them make you their problem and always end it with a hearty ha-ha-ha.

The fabulously evil Glenn Close as Cruella De Ville. I want that hairstyle.

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